Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Imperial Stooges Slam U.S. Death Star Decision
It all started with a petition submitted to the U.S. government via the "We the People" website, designed to give voice to citizens about pressing matters to the people. Any petition that receives at least 25,000 signatures within 30 days of being submitted will get an official response from the White House.
Of course, the idea of "pressing matters" differs among people, and so a petition to secure funding and begin construction of a Death Star, the moon-sized orbiting battle station first revealed in 1977's Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, passed the response threshold with 34,435 signatures. Hence, the Chief of the Science and Space Branch of the White House Office of Management and Budget Paul Shawcross issued an official statement of how such an appropriation of funds would be fiscally irresponsible ($850,000,000,000,000,000), not to mention immoral and the results easily destructible by a one-man starship.
Now in response to the response, the official Star Wars Blog has presented a PR release by the Galactic Empire, slamming Earth as primitive and cowardly. I, for one, think we need to get cracking on updating the International Space Station. Perhaps Lord Vader could think of some ways of motivating us to get back on a Death Star schedule.